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Listening is a hot topic in our household. It is brought up just a few times a day...ok, maybe more like a few dozen to be exact. Now it could be that our kids are just loud or it may be that we had three of them in three years that contributes to the fact that everyone wants to be heard and so in order to do so, they all just talk over each other. It is entertaining and annoying all at the same time. As a parent it has been an interesting realization that some skills we may think of as innate, often need to be taught. Things like kindness, generosity, patience and listening just to name a few. This may be a comical thought to some of us because these are not only skills kids need to learn, but often we as adults have forgotten them too. Many say that communication is the most important skill in life. We spend years learning how to read, write, and speak, but what about listening? How is that not a topic we place more of our attention on? We have probably all found ourselves in a situation at some point where someone was talking to us and we were looking them in the eyes, nodding along politely only to realize when they finish we have no idea what they just said. At times we may even feel like it is an impossible task to listen attentively because there is so much noise going on inside our own head that it is drowning out our capacity truly hear. Several years ago before my husband and I had kids he shared with me a quote by Stephen Covey that I come back to again and again..."Seek first to understand, then to be understood." Now at the time John might have been sharing that nugget of insight with me because maybe I myself wasn't being the best listener (we all are a work in progress), but this is something that culturally we do a lot. We have difficulty listening just to listen. Nine times out of ten we are listening with the intent of how we are going to respond or we aren't even really listening at all. Most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. We listen to others as we prepare in our mind what we are going to say, the questions we are going to ask, the debate we are going to ensue, etc. In our defense, it is how we connect right? We analyze everything we hear through our autobiography of life experiences and we often unconsciously judge, compare and prematurely decide what the other person means before he/she has even finished communicating. So what does it mean to each of us to be a good listener? Is it someone who we feel like solves our problems? Or is it someone who can create a space to hear what we are saying with an open mind that isn't trying to fix, judge or compare our situation in any way? It is someone who listens not only with their ears, but with their heart as well? It is said that only seven percent (not seventy...seven) of communication is contained in the actual words we use. The rest comes from body language, how we say words, tone and the feeling reflected in the person's voice. So let's all take some pressure off of ourselves feeling like we need to fix things for other people when they are talking and just listen, really listen. Look into their eyes and give them your full undivided attention and presence. It is actually amazing how often people aren't looking for us to respond. They just want/need someone to listen to them and when we can create a space for them to do so, they often figure out the answers for themselves. As we become better listeners, we become better parents, partners, leaders, workers and friends too. Developing this skill threads its way through every aspect of our existence and the first step begins with us. We can't expect to be a great listener to someone else if we haven't developed that skill within our self. Ram Dass reminds us that, "The quieter we become, the more we can hear." Reducing distractions and making time for solitude each day is one of the greatest gifts we can give to our self. It is in this silence where our perception becomes more clear, where the meaning of life becomes more vivid and where the answers to our questions are either revealed or fade away. It is a place that is beyond our stories, our accomplishments or our miseries. Little by little, moment by moment, day by day we become more comfortable in this space. We practice becoming reacquainted with what it means to listen from the inside out and this insight shifts our perception of reality in a whole new way. As simple as listening is, it is not easy. It actually takes great courage to listen from a place deeper than our own chattering mind or the opinion of someone else, but when we realize there is an intelligence that exists within us that is beyond words, this is where great wisdom and clarity resides. This is where the heart is whispering to us clear as day if we get quiet enough to hear to... Live love! Alysha Let's all help each other evolve and share a comment below about what being a great listener means to you. If you are in need of a little solitude in your day, here is my treat to you...a 25 minute yoga practice for any time of day. www.bemindbodyshift.com/body.html*scroll to the bottom of the page-ENJOY!  A very dear friend of mine has been to five funerals in less than two weeks. Five. The passing of the most recent individual was someone she had know for many many years and as I listened to her share wonderful memories and watched tears effortlessly stream down her face I just listened. Not just to her words, but to her heart, to her energy. There was a sadness for each loss, yet great joys as she recalled wonderful memories each relationship had given her. It is truly a great cosmic paradox that one of the best teachers in all of life, turns out to be death.
The uncertainty of our own impermanence is something we all wrestle with at one time or another knowing that our time on this earth is limited. I too have spent many a nights in bed gazing at my husband's sleeping eyes appreciating that moment from the depths of my being knowing that there will come a day when the other won't be there. It isn't that I am dwelling in sadness or worry in that moment, but more that I am trying to capture and appreciate it as fully as I can. Although we never would really ask death to be our teacher, would we fully appreciate the preciousness of life without it? It is scarcity that makes all things precious. Life is a sacred gift and in each moment we have the opportunity to challenge ourselves to live from our highest potentials. What if we knew we only had one week left on earth. How much love could we give to the ones we love? Think about what our life would look like if we lived in this way. Think about how it would change what we value and deem as important. What holds us back from living life in this way? The beauty of embracing deep truths is that we don't have to change our life; we can just begin to change how we live it. We can get so wrapped up in the busy-ness of life, that we miss so many magical moments that are right before our eyes. What actually gives life deep meaning is the willingness to live it fully. A fundamental dharmic teaching is...things change. People, situations and feelings constantly come and go according to conditions that we may or may not choose, but how we respond is completely within our control. In the Yoga Sutras Patanjali states, "Nothing is good or bad, only the mind creates that." We often fight wanting to control other people, circumstances or our conditions and yet we can rest assure that anything outward in our life will eventually pass. It is easy to want to hang out in the joys of life and skip over the struggles, but for most of us the hard is where the magic happens. The hard is what perhaps gave birth to something great. So how do we as individuals move through the troubled tides of change, of life with grace and ease? We step into this moment and take it all in...the good the bad and all that lies in between. We trust like the sun will rise tomorrow that everything we are going through in our life is a gateway to understanding ourselves more deeply, more fully. It is preparing us for something more that we have asked for and through the process we build our own inner strength and fortitude. We learn to appreciate and accept what is and in this way we begin to come home to ourself and our own inner guidance system. Today we can take in this moment and appreciate all of the seemingly common things, the little things and remember that they all add up to something really great...your life. So remember... Live love, Alysha |
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